Absolutely

Probably the most common word heard in corporate America today is “absolutely”. I don’t understand why people use it so much. I believe it is used to sound more important and give more gravity to your statements because you’re fronting for your own feelings of insignificance and inadequacy. To sound like you control anything about your existence, which is false. You don’t. You’re as small as you think you are, and at that, you’re a liar when you dress it up all pretty like and pretend like you know anything.

“The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don’t know.”

— Albert Einstein

ABSOLUTELY!!! Why the certainty? This is life. I work in IT (even worse…software development), where EVERYTHING we know is in constant flux. Everything is variable, not constant. Life is dynamic and fickle. Yes, fickle. Nothing is absolute except God, death, and taxes, and even then I’m not always sure. Also, the oxford comma. That too is constant, at least it better be, bub.

Instead of ABSOLUTELY (which you can’t verify, confirm, or defend logically) how about “maybe”, “possibly”, or something else similar that truthfully denotes a positive tone and expectation but also factors in the shaky foundations of everything we think we know and that things change rapidly. I think it is more accurate and helpful. Absolutely pegs you as a prescriptive liar. Sure, no one expects your absolution to actually manifest so why kid yourself and try to be so explicit?