Accept Cookies. Now!

I don’t know if you’ve been on the web lately, but everywhere I go forces me to accept cookies. I’m sorry, but I’m diabetic. I CAN’T accept cookies. It gives me anxiety and a little bit of stomach acid to click “PLEASE GO THE FRICK AWAY” on every single cookie notice. Thanks UK. It is totally the GDPR’s fault. I mean, sure, people should know when cookies are in use. But why not everything else?

If I use LocalStorage or SessionStorage, shouldn’t they know that too? If I use Bootstrap, shouldn’t there be a “Hey, guess what, I’m a non-thinking bad-at-front-end shill not to be trusted with a css file? What about that?

What if I’m embedding social network code so things show up like Facebook avatars and meta data? Social media has generally been proven to be somewhat bad for us as humans. Why don’t I foist those notifications on people who have to see them on my site? Why only cookies? Cookies are far more benign than some forms of tracking and ad retargeting. Cookies are not the evil thing that every footer banner makes them out to be, UNLESS you’re a diabetic like I am. THEN they are. THEN they will bring tears and death. Until then, I just don’t want to go anywhere on the web. It just isn’t fun anymore. I guess I don’t get my yah-yahs from IKEA. I need to feel like I’m being watched while I look up cat memes or whatever. THAT gives me adventure and quickens my blood. Oh no, the cookies are going to get me, ahhhhhh.